so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
