how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't turn off my feet"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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