it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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