Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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