he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
