I'm passing your future prison.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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