Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize