You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
