I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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