I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
