just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
