i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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