Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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