At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Houston, we have a squirter
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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