only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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