haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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