Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
