and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
