only if we run a train.
done.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
