she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize