did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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