maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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