but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
