Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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