I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
