Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
