After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
