I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize