fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
