I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i think im in europe. pls send help
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
