she woke up with a sticky ear
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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