he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
