we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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