I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
