i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
