he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
