I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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