ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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