Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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