I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
