It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
