Will you blow on my dice?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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