my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
