nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize