i barfeds in our rink
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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