I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
