When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
