$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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