she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
