he wants to bone in the snuggie
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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