I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize