Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
