everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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