I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
