I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
