I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
