The maid of honor just puked.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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