the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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