I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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