and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
