we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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