maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
