Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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