I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
