I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
