I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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