That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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