Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
