btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
