Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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