You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
