She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize