I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
