I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
