Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
