sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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