I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
