singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
